Not quite, but getting there. I much prefer the promise of nocturnal provisions anyway. The fruits of my progressive, laboriousness activities spawned by an emotional holocaust are starting to peak through. Tis a good thing. Also, I think just as much as I always have. I don't block anything out. I delve into scary places, fight off the bad, and come out victorious. And if not with an Animality-level finish, then at least a bit more learned than before. We'll call it an Uppercut Fatality.

I'm at work, my "new job" of which I've had for a good 3-4 months now, and it is a slow night. Yesterday I had more than enough to do simply by visiting the St. Charles branch of the Journal. The users always hit you with multiple technical issues they've been storing away to unleash upon the unsuspecting technical services representative until we make visits to their location for something completely unrelated. It's fine, it's fun, it gives me something to do.

I watched A Nightmare Before Xmas, for the first time since it came out, last night. That was interesting. I remembered it being less PG. Ah vell. I must cut this short, as I have been summoned to write a newsletter update for the upcoming All-Nighter LAN Party at my old place of employment. I needed something to replace the last journal entry. It was necessary at the time, but now serves only as a reminder that, say it with me... Girls Are Fucking Evil. Hmm, that would make a good album title...

-Paul

The bi-annual Things That Rawk column has been put on hold due to matters of grave graveness. Instead, in its place, we'll look at things that suck, for the balance that keeps me both optimistic and sane has been broken for the first serious time in my life. Let's take a look, shall we?!

- The "girlfriend that personifies everything I love in life" is no longer a girlfriend.
- My 55 year old mother is in the mid to late stages of Alzheimer’s.
- My car is slowly dying and there is nothing that can effectively replace a '91 Buick LeSabre previously owned by my grandmother, therefore having been kept in perfect shape for the first 10 years of its life, and having been acquired by ritual of gift-giving.
- The "band that personifies everything I love about music" is in slight disarray, but we shall endure and destroy what has been and will ever be considered acceptable in the world of music. But in the mean time, we have 3 weeks to prepare for our first show with a new singer and a second show 2 weeks later. Come support your future rulers: [link]
- I'm in a second band with a bunch of young punks, playing straight-forward death/grind metal on bass for them. We recently played the Summer Slaughter tour with tech-death giants Necrophagist, Cephalic Carnage, Decapitated, Cattle Decapitation, etc. and are one of two local bands (out of thirteen) getting mentioned in a write-up in the next issue of Metal Maniacs. We will devour your very universe soon. This is not so much t3h suck for me as it is for you. Weep in fear, frail mortals! [link]
- Even with all this anger and frustration fueling me, the depression weighs just as heavily, and a workout routine I've kept for months and have seen extremely positive results from is falling away from me.
- Hi everybody, my name is Paul and I'm a fucking alcoholic. No, it's not effecting my job (just got a new one making twice as much money, in fact) or my personal life (despite the recent breakup, think what you want to on that one), but it is certainly helping to hinder my workout regime. It steals precious energy, makes sleep less effective, and while I mostly stick to hard liquor, it still counters some of what I've accomplished physically. And of course it could become worse and affect other parts of my life. Oh wait, no, I think it's affecting my memory too. See the next paragraph below...
- I can't think of anything else, but I know there's more. Add 2 or 3 of the more horrible things you can think of and multiply the whole list by 10 or 20, because when I'm fine, I think ridiculously optimistically and nothing can touch me. But when I break, I break hard and savagely. I think. I've never quite broken before. So this should be interesting.

Disclaimer: I get to write one serious emo fucking journal entry somewhere on the Interweb every two years. This is my submission for 2006-2007. This is my self-conscious, anger, frustration, and fear-fueled outlet for 6 a.m. Wednesday, July 4th. Happy fucking birthday, America. May you fall like the Romanesque empire you've become. I'll be content buried in the rubble.

So it's only been, what, 10 months since I updated my account? What have I been doing, you (all 1 or 2 of you that drop by every couple months) ask? I've never been much of a digital artist and I don't have a lick of talent at natural art. Where I do exceed in the world of art, however, is music; namely, guitar. I've played since the age of 12 and it is a skill that has always come natural to me, not to mention something I actually enjoy doing on a regular basis. I'm 99% self-taught and have semi-purposefully passed over learning a variety of snazzy-jazzy techniques due to extreme lack of patience. This shortcoming has led to the ability to, at the very least, "out-thrash" anybody on the planet. I know, I know, just shut up and get to the point. So I've had a band for a number of years. 2 of us are from extreme metal backgrounds and the other is of the classic rock/alternative persuasion. All of us have an affection for quirky, original music though and proudly tout the "WE'RE FREAKIN' NERDS!" banner. Thus, we have developed into what I can only best describe as a heavy nerdcore band. We currently reign under the title Square Peg Round Hole and are in dire need of a decent demo or EP recording. We've been playing out for a number of months, our fan-base is growing, and people seem to genuinely like our music. We're praised by all who see us as the most original band they've witnessed in years and, since we dare not argue, we'll shout it into the streets for all to hear! So check us out at the link provided by the name. That's Square Peg Round Hole, you crazy kids.

Things that rawk (and, therefore, do not suck) in no particular order...except that which they were thought in:

10/3/06
-A girlfriend that personifies everything I love in life
-A band that personifies everything I love about music
-Friends that personify a heavy affinity towards drinking, but nothing else
-A host of firsts and tragedies, births and departures, new perennials and old annuals; dealing with them and not exploding. Sorry, was that too emo? FUCK! SLAYER!!! THRASH, RAAAAAGHH!!!!!


12/30/05
-Thrash, thrash, THRASH!!!!!!!11one
-Geek + Metal + Girl
-Working on computers for a living
-Making it through my second onsite job with no real snags
-Open mic nights at coffee shops
-Being in a band with friends and finally achieving a lineup formula that works, yet has been there the entire time (hot damn, we can play out now!)
-Bottled water......I'm just lazy, shutup.
-Haunting guitar melodies. ooooo-wweeeeee-oooooo (miiind taker!)
-Adult Swim
-Working out and staying fit
-Webcomics, webcomics, webcomics, sweet jesus, how could I forget?! (Mr. Gallagher is depressed, buy a blanket from him [link])
-Conventions, and the phenomenon of being in a place with 10,000 other people that share a common interest, and yet sharing only THAT ONE interest with all of them. Really, are computers, anime, and death/black metal truly all so dissimilar?

12/9/05
-Anywhere that serves coffee
-Extreme underground elitist tr00 metal
-People who speak with passion and intelligence about a subject they think should be promoted
-People who take the next step and toil endlessly to organize, promote, and run events at high risk to their personal finances and sanity
-Extreme underground metal that doesn't take itself seriously
-Pizza
-Downloading insane amounts of crazy, experimental, and original music online and going to concerts to support those bands, because you only have the money to do one or the other (fuck you, RIAA).
-Technology, the Internet, multimedia; endless possibilities and blank canvases (canvasi?)
-Anyone reading this list and nodding their head because they *get it*
-Long hair, trench coats, Mel Brooks, atheism, and killer Japanese seizure robots (yes, they all go together, don't doubt me, fools)

Coming down with the uber-flu to end all flus when the clock strikes midnight of Xmas day...
OH PLEASE GOD, JUST FUCKING KILL ME NOW!

Needless to say, the last 10 hours...have not rawked.

Things that rawk (and, therefore, do not suck):

-Anywhere that serves coffee
-Extreme underground elitist tr00 metal
-People who speak with passion and intelligence about a subject they think should be promoted
-People who take the next step and toil endlessly to organize, promote, and run events at high risk to their personal finances and sanity
-Extreme underground metal that doesn't take itself seriously
-Pizza
-Downloading insane amounts of crazy experimental, and original music online and going to concerts to support those bands, because you only have the money to do one or the other
-Webcomics
-Technology, the Internet, multimedia; endless possibilities and blank canvases
-Anyone reading this list and nodding their head because they *get it*
-Long hair, trench coats, Mel Brooks, atheism, and killer Japanese seizure robots (yes, they all go together, don't doubt me, fools)

*More to come